I was reminded of how fragile human relationships are yesterday. It is tragic to see friends and their marriages begin to break up. In this specific instance I am thinking of, I pray that that's all that will happen and reconciliation will happen. However, I want to talk about the key for a lasting marriage that apply to all: faithfulness.
Ha! Oversimplification, you may say, but no. Faithfulness merely sums up a host of issues.
You might first note that I did not say love. No, love may be helpful, but is not the key to a lasting marriage. Love is a fickle emotion and it comes and it goes. If you are faithful, however, love will come more than it goes.
I can describe faithfulness with this analogy. If you've ever driven a boat or a plane before, you know that it can be hard initially to keep your course. However, if you've had someone help you in either case, you will be told to focus on some landmark along your path and guide your vehicle straight towards it. If you look away and start to veer, you look back, focus on the same object, and you'll be back on course again. This is faithfulness. Choosing an object of faith and directing your path towards him or her. When you waiver, you turn back and fix your course. Faith returns even if briefly drifts.
Okay, analogies are great, but ultimately, they don't really tell you what you need. In our marriage, Terri and I have chosen to be faithful to each other. That choice was solidified when we each took an oath in front of our families and friends to remain faithful to each other. Unfortunately, our society puts very low value on the purpose of this ceremony. America is full of oath breakers who have turned aside from their promises in marriage and everything else. If an oath becomes inconvenient or difficult, we give up and move on. Why do we even bother to make them? Sad.
America also frowns upon the accountability those in attendance are meant to provide. We move so often that it's difficult to have a close-knit community helping to enforce the marriage oath. If someone does have the gumption to actually try and hold someone accountable, that's "None of their business" and "How dare they judge!" However, this doesn't mesh with the historical meaning of the wedding ceremony. Accountability is important.
Faithfulness means keeping your oath even when you hate it. Faithfulness means keeping your word is more important than being happy. However, this needn't be a burden.
A man who is faithful to his wife will pursue his wife with at least a fraction of the vigor he pursued her before marriage. A man who works at making his wife feel special on a regular basis will think of his wife as special. This is one of those interesting cycles. If you think your wife is special, you'll want to pursue her. If you pursue her, you'll think of her as special. If you don't pursue your wife, you'll start to feel ambivalent toward her. If you start to feel ambivalent, you won't be interested in pursuit of her. However, faithfulness demands you get up and pursue your wife even when you don't feel like, even if you want to run away from her.
As for women, I'll let a woman blogger handle that issue. I'm not qualified, except to say be faithful and keep your oath.
If you're a man and you haven't done anything for your wife lately, get off your ass and do something for her. Take her out. Buy her flowers. Give her a card. Talk to her. Turn off the television, stop working, and focus on your wife. It's important that you take care of this right now. I'll just finish by quoting Ephesians 5:25: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her." Anything less is a failure and sin.
Amen.
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